Our whole world and what we had envisioned for our life has been turned upside down.
I wrote this for all the Mums and dads who are going through what I can only describe for our family as utterly destructive and gut wrenching.
No one, no matter how long you think you’ve known for or how much you’ve believed you’ve accepted it wants to see or hear the words ‘your child has ASD’ (Autism).
You want to scream but why us but what’s the point because in reality you know deep down it could be so much worse, and so you numbingly accept that this is your new reality, except wait nothing really has changed right?
Your amazing child is still the same, still has those warrior like mannerisms that amaze you every day as they go out into the world and face hurdles most of us could never imagine, they are still your precious baby who you changed your life for the better and they always will be.
I won’t lie, there have been times I wanted to give up.
I’ve sat and cried and for hours and hours whilst no one was around so I could carry on as normal and so my children wouldn’t ever catch a glimpse of weakness.
You will learn who will always have your back and sadly it isn’t always family who understands you like no other, you will learn that your time is too precious for time wasters and so this life changing yet valuable lesson has actually been a blessing in disguise.
Would I wish for anything different?
Of course I wish it was easier, but if my child wasn’t this way they wouldn’t be who they are today and I wouldn’t be the mum I am today, my little person has taught me more during this process than I could ever have imagined, and so for those of you only starting on your journey I want you to know, those days when you feel you can’t do it, that you can’t keep going, through every meltdown, through every disapproving look from a stranger, and every tear that’s shed that you can do it, because your baby didn’t learn to be a warrior from just anywhere
And so you recover from the shock, hours days and weeks pass and you pick your self up and carry on as if no time has passed at all.
You go through the motions, you wake up,
Follow the routine you strongly
Rely on and you watch as time goes by but you seem to stand still.
Of course there are good days and there are bad days but you never really know what you are going to face, suddenly like a flaw it all changes and you are left to pick up the pieces.
I often feel numbness I can’t control, there is no cure for those feelings, no answer and
I certainly can’t rid our family of the pain this diagnosis has caused.
I watch as my child eagerly wakes and faces the world for another day, they know no different yet you wish they did, you wish for ease and you wish for peace..
I can’t even remember a time before this, as
Much as I’ve tried to let it not take control it has, how can it not, that word is everywhere now
AUTISM… that is my child. I am that mother, we are that family, you are their keeper, you are their strength and so on you go… and still at every step of the way you ask why .. maybe one day things will be different, but today isn’t that day